Just Say No To Jorts

I imagine that the jort (jeans + shorts = jorts) originated in central Florida. One day a boy said to his mother, “Momma, I wanna cut off these jeans ‘cause it’s too hot to wear ‘em.”
And rather than just cutting them off, which would cause them to fray (and the pockets might hang out the bottom) she hemmed them. She wanted her boy to look neat. And the jort was born.

I stand by the notion that the jean short is an invention of Florida because there, like much of the Southeast, it is often far too humid for full length denim. Folks in the Southwest, with it’s drier air and cool evenings, would have had more of a need for the full jean, at least at night. I had a lot of intense “jort exposure” growing up in Georgia.

In high school I wished that it was illegal for men to wear shorts to the mall. I dreamed that a guy would have to be given (by me) a special card that permitted him to wear shorts inside. I think it tells you a little bit about me growing up that it was at the mall that my senses were so offended. But I was sincere in this thought, and very few guys would have made the cut in my ideal world.

Shorts should really only be worm by most men when they are exercising, and other activities outside. Otherwise, it’s far safer to cover them up. Maybe I’d let them wear shorts to baseball games. Maybe. Basically, there are just so many things that can go wrong with a guy in shorts. The shorts could be to short, too long, too tight. Then you have the legs. Too big, to skinny, too pale, too hairy. And lets not even talk about all the ways the shoes, socks, and feet could go wrong. And while it’s not so bad outside, inside, they often just look ridiculous.

The jort wearing man was always the worst offender to my pseudo-sophisticated sensibilities (I mean, I was, after all, hanging out at the mall).